I Apologized to My Daughter and Changed Her Future
“Geez, Sarah! You must think I’m made out of money!”
My own words rang in my ears, and I cringed. As a life coach specializing in the impact of childhood vows on the adult, I ought to be better aware of the words I choose when speaking with my children.
I know even the most conscious parent can slip from time to time. Still, the error isn’t the slip of the tongue, but rather failing to realize what just happened and do damage control on the spot.
Sarah had just told me she didn’t like a certain food I had bought for her because I was sure she would like it. It was too sugary for me so I slammed it into the garbage can as I exclaimed my stinging words.
Thankfully, I realized my error and put in a correction — which is sure to make a powerful difference in Sarah’s future.
I immediately softened, walked around the counter to embrace her and said, I’m sorry, I was wrong. What’s most important is that you express your own opinion.
It is during such interactions that childhood vows can form, then be reinforced as the belief perpetually creates reality.
My 8-year-old daughter, Sarah has seemed to have had refined taste in food since she was about three. She always wanted to try what her Daddy and I were eating and usually liked it unless it was too spicy. She likes the usual kid food too but prefers something with a lot more flavor.
My husband and I shared a joke that one day when Sarah brings home the boy she’s dating, I can leverage her palate if I don’t like him. Of course, I wouldn’t be so manipulative, but it’s a funny thought: If I like the boy, I’ll slip him enough money and say, “Be sure and take her to a gourmet restaurant because she loves that kind of food!” If I don’t like him, I’ll recommend what is supposedly her favorite fast-food restaurant.
Sarah likes so many kinds of food that it surprises me when she discovers something she doesn’t like. Over the past few years, she has become so discerning in her choices that I have referred to her at times as being a “picky eater.” But is she being picky or just discerning? And isn’t that what I’ve been encouraging?
Here is the scenario that could have played out without my intervention. Sarah sees her mom get upset, yell “You must think I’m made out of money!” then slam the container into the garbage can. Sarah’s next thought is something like I won’t tell her what I really feel, or Money is more important than how I feel or Money is more important than what I think.
Fast forward to Sarah’s teenage years after this belief has been rooted into place. During a time when communication between mother and daughter is important, the vow I won’t tell her what I really feel could damage Sarah’s relationship with me and have negative consequences.
Fast forward to Sarah’s adult life and the vow Money is more important than how I feel, or Money is more important than what I think could inadvertently trap her in a job that pays well but isn’t fulfilling — or she endures an abusive boss because she believes her thoughts and feelings aren’t worth expressing.
Yes, this all sounds dramatic, and it is because it was born out of drama!
It happens all the time, everywhere, to everyone who has ever been a child.
All of us have made decisions during our early years that end up impacting our lives later. For more information on how you can discover your childhood vows and how they may be negatively impacting your life now, please visit bodymemoryprocess.com.
Kat Sohn is a Life Coach, public speaker and writer, and the CEO of Body Memory Process, LLC. After the passing of her beloved husband David Sohn in late 2019, Kat retired from a 36-year career with the federal government to focus on raising their two children, Benjamin (12) and Sarah (8) and continuing David’s novel work, the Body Memory Process. To share this powerful healing process as widely as possible, Kat has created courses, articles and seminars about the work. You can learn more about the Body Memory Process at bodymemoryprocess.com.
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