Diary of a Traumatized Miracle Baby
22 April 1961 — My birth mother (Lindsay) discovers she is pregnant and her very next thought is that she wants to die. Death would be a lot easier than facing her grandfather who raised her. Instead of love and support, he was prone to rage and shouted loudly over the smallest things she did wrong. How would he take this news?
How am I taking the news? I don’t understand thoughts from Lindsay as words, but I feel the energy of fear and rejection. I will get to know this energy a lot before I am born.
10 August 1961 — Lindsay is starting to show, and she needs to hide me. She wears big baggy clothes, even though the weather is very hot. I feel her fear that she is going to be discovered as pregnant and it doesn’t feel good. I decide I will hide so that Lindsay can relax.
27 September 1961 — Lindsay can no longer hide me, and her grandfather has noticed her bump. As soon as he realizes his granddaughter is pregnant, he starts yelling at her about how lazy and worthless she is — and that she is bringing a child into the world who will probably be just as lazy and worthless as her.
I can hear the words and don’t understand what is said, but I feel the negative energy and Lindsay’s death wish strengthens. I am little, so I am egocentric — as all young children are. I am certain I caused all this. It’s all my fault.
15 October 1961 — I wake to a huge rush of adrenalin from Lindsay and the turmoil that follows goes on for a while before I am suddenly pulled out of my warm environment. I have been born during what was a life and death emergency.
My birth mother had stabbed herself in the abdomen.
My welcome to the world was a surprise attack from the person who was supposed to love me the most and protect me. Lindsay was perpetrating the vicious cycle of abuse, as she herself was constantly attacked by the one person in her life who should have protected her.
10 November, 1961 — I was at six months gestation when I was born, so I am extremely premature. This means a lot of time in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU) lying in an incubator with tubes everywhere. I don’t get a lot of touch, but I get peered at a lot through the glass.
It’s considered to be a miracle that I survived at just under 2 pounds. Still, I feel the thoughts of many members of the medical staff and some discuss openly with each other that I’m probably not going to make it much longer.
And I realize: They watch me to see when I’m going to die.
But I didn’t die.
5 April 1963 — Is it really them? Sure feels like it.. these two beautiful people walking towards my crib in the orphanage are smiling at me and I need to make sure they know I’ve picked them to be my parents. I hold out my arms and my soon-to-be adoptive mother lifts me up and into her arms.
19 September 1971 — My father, who is usually easy-going, can lose his temper from time-to-time. This time it’s because of something I did wrong, and I suddenly have the urge to run somewhere and hide while he yells. (I will hide.)
1 December 1971 — It’s my turn to get up in front of the class and read the science fiction story I wrote for homework. As I stand there, all faces looking at me, I grow faint and blush deep red. I’m so nervous I can’t open my mouth to speak, although I’ve written a fascinating story. This is not the last time this will happen. As school and then my work requires me to get in front of groups to speak, I continue to be so nervous I think I’m going to pass out (They watch me to see when I’m going to die.)
22 March 1973 — Why do I feel like this? Whenever anything goes wrong, I’m certain it’s all my fault — either something I did or something I didn’t do. This is the first time I notice this, but not the last. (It’s all my fault.)
14 April 1995 — I have met my husband-to-be, David Sohn, who has created a life coaching approach specializing in teaching people to discover the vows they made as early as conception (remember, it’s about energy). Through a series of Body Memory Process sessions with David, we discover several of my vows, including I will hide, It’s all my fault, They watch me to see when I’m going to die, I’m not good enough, I have to take care of myself, and Everybody leaves me.
We also worked on another impact of being in an incubator and not receiving a lot of touch during that time — certainly, not touch from someone who loves me, such as a parent. People who survive incubators either can’t get enough touch or don’t want a lot of touch. I was one who didn’t want a lot of touch and whenever I needed to process something I’d “put up the incubator walls” instead of reaching out to someone else for help. Through doing my Body Memory Process homework, this has changed for me and I now enjoy the power of friends when I’m going through a difficult time.
While the dates are approximate, this is a true story of my experience in the womb, at birth and in early childhood. Children create vows even when they are not quite as traumatized as I was. These vows become reinforced through experience, as our beliefs become a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I no longer feel the need to hide or think everything is my fault when things go wrong. My work to spread the great news about the Body Memory Process has me often speaking in front of large groups of people — and I love it! I no longer feel like I’m going to pass out!
David Sohn created the Body Memory process to teach people how to discover their own childhood vows, then release them so that the adult is not governed my decisions made by a pre-logical child.
The result is freedom, peace and wellness.
For more information, please visit https://bodymemoryprocess.com and access coaching and courses at https://heal.me/bmp.
Kathi Sohn, an author, transformational speaker and coach, is CEO of Body Memory Process, LLC. After the passing of her beloved husband David Sohn in late 2019, Kat retired from a 36-year career with the federal government to focus on raising their two children, Benjamin (14) and Sarah (10) and continuing David’s novel work, the Body Memory Process. To share this powerful healing process as widely as possible, Kat has written the groundbreaking book, You Made It Up, Now Stop Believing It, and the transformative course, Turn Trauma Into Power. You can learn more about the Body Memory Process at bodymemoryprocess.com.
What is a Childhood Vow — YouTube
Happiness and Joy During Turbulent Times Happiness and Joy During Turbulent Times https://medium.com/authority-magazine/happiness-and-joy-during-turbulent-times-kathi-sohn-of-body-memory-process-on-how-to-live-with-680ad36bcd68
